Just To See Her Smile
by Chelle-Lynn
Summary: LJ oneshot from Remus' point of view. He loves her, and would do anything to see her smile.


_A/N: I ask anyone who reads this, even in part, to review, as it helps me in the long run. And it actually makes me think people are reading it. _

_DISCLAIMER: Yeah, I don't own Lily, James, Remus, Peter, or any other characters that might've wandered into this fic at one point or another. They belong to the wonderful Ms. Rowling. And the lyrics at the end are from the song "Just To See You Smile" by Tim McGraw.

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_Just To See Her Smile_

_By: Chelle_

It was a typical fall night in Britain. Chilly, but not so much that everyone had cuddled up in blankets against the cold. On this particular night, a young couple sat at a table in front of the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room. Both were working furiously on homework, one simply to get ahead, and one to catch up from the past few days.

The girl, a cheerful redhead with a temper to be reckoned with, set her quill down slowly and stretched out, shaking her head against the tiredness that had set upon her. Her glittering green eyes settled upon the boy across from her. His hair was tousled slightly, probably from shaking his head in frustration. He had dark circles under his darkened eyes, presumably from being sick the past few days. His robes were worn, in need of a good cleaning and pressing.

As if sensing her gaze, his head raised slowly and his eyes locked with hers. She gave a tired smile. "Almost done?" she asked.

"Not quite. I probably won't be able to finish tonight, especially with McGonagall's essay, but I'll catch up. Don't worry about me," he said, smiling at her.

She nodded in response. "Well, I think I'm going to call it a night. Same time tomorrow, yeah?"

He rubbed his eyes slowly and gave her a short nod. She began to gather her mess of papers, straightening them and slipping the neat stack into her shoulder bag. Swinging it over her shoulder as she stood up, she walked over to him and gave him a soft kiss. "Goodnight Remus."

"'Night Lily," Remus mumbled as the redhead disappeared up the staircase leading to her dormitory. He closed his eyes for a moment, remembering her smile as if it were imprinted on the back of his eyelids. Sighing to himself, he gathered his papers and placed them in his bag with the same care Lily had. Making sure neither of them left anything at the table, he turned and made his way up to his own dormitory.

Opening the door slowly, Remus was met with the sound of soft snoring, but he quickly noted it was quieter than usual; meaning one of his roommates was still awake. Keeping as quiet as possible, he swept across the room and set his bag beside his trunk, before rummaging through it and pulling out a pair of shabby sweatpants and a thin white t-shirt. He changed quickly, glad to be free of the robes at last, and slowly slipped into bed, hoping the trance of his very awake friend would not be broken that night. He was not so lucky.

"How was your study date?" a cold voice came from the bed next to his.

"Prongs, when are you going to stop treating me like the scum of the earth for being with Lily?" Remus asked, rubbing his temples slightly.

"You knew I liked her. And yet you're still with her. That's a cardinal rule of friends you're breaking," Prongs answered, his glasses glinting in the moonlight, concealing his hazel eyes.

"We've been over this. Lily is bound to want to date, and you're not going to have a chance with her if you keep hexing her dates. So wouldn't you rather her be with someone who you know rather than someone who will make you jealous and could wind up hurting her? Besides, you told all of us you were over her. It's not my fault she asked me to study with her that night. And it's not my fault that things have progressed further than that. You know nothing will come of it. I couldn't be with anyone for too long anyway; my condition won't allow it."

Prongs mumbled something and a distinct smack was heard a few seconds later as the disgruntled teenager slammed his fist into the bedpost, not noticing the pain it caused. Remus sighed and closed the hangings around his four poster bed before rolling over and allowing himself to relax. He hated hurting people, but it upset him that it didn't occur to his friend that he might like Lily, and he wasn't going to give up the chance at being with her just because his friend was throwing a temper tantrum.

* * *

In the following months, Lily and Remus spent more and more time together, much to the chagrin of Prongs, known by the rest of the school as James Potter. Many times, the young couple would spend their evenings reading on one of the couches in the common room, simply spending time together without the need for speech. 

One particular evening in late May, the young couple was watching the comings and goings of the Gryffindor students as they studied for end of year exams. Despite their studious nature, both had been studying for exams since the middle of the year and preferred to take a break to attempting to study in the library or common room when the rest of the school suddenly had the same idea.

"Remus?" Lily asked as she rested her head against his knees.

"Hmm?"

"Why aren't you ever with your friends anymore?"

Remus looked down at her, and she refused to look back up at him. He sighed slightly and spoke. "James isn't too happy with me… hasn't been since the beginning of the year. Sirius takes his side, and Peter… well, Peter worships the ground they walk on, so I hardly expect him to take my side. We still have our times, but we're drifting further apart."

Lily nodded slightly and glanced up at him. "It's because of me, isn't it?" she asked softly, a mixture of sadness and anger in her voice. Remus closed his eyes and nodded almost imperceptibly. "I thought James was acting a little strange. He stopped being so… possessive of me. About time too. I was never his," she added with a slight hint of bitterness in her voice.

Remus didn't answer her, just glanced on the other side of the room, where the rest of his roommates stood. A feeling of sadness filled him, despite knowing he was not betraying his friends by being with Lily. He shook his head and offered Lily a weak smile. She smiled back up at him and closed her eyes again. Any feelings of sadness he had immediately left him as he took in her smile, and he realized just what James had been feeling all these years. If only James hadn't told them all he was over the vibrant redhead.

_No use thinking that now. What's done is done._ Remus thought, leaning back against the couch and closing his eyes slightly. _For now we need to focus on what's important. Finishing sixth year and preparing for NEWTs next year. And being happy, because all that will vanish as soon as we leave the safety of school.

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The end of the year came, forcing friends and lovers alike apart for the summer. Remus and James left on no better terms than they were, and it took all of Remus' control not to break out into a fight when James confronted him again. Sirius simply ignored his werewolf friend whenever he was in the proximity, and Peter gave him apologetic looks before turning away. Lily promised to write him over the summer, though she wasn't sure how often since she lived in a muggle neighborhood. Remus saw early on that it was going to be a long summer, with three long and lonely full moons.

"See you in September," Lily said, reaching over to kiss him on the cheek.

"Stay safe, Lily," Remus warned, giving her a cautious look.

"When am I not?" she answered, giving her most charming smile. Her face turned serious, though. "I will. You do the same, promise?"

"Promise," he said, giving her a quick kiss before running after his parents as they disappeared to the other side of the platform. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, focusing on her smile as a smile formed on his own lips.

* * *

Sure enough, Remus faced three full moons alone, and dealing with his lycanthropy became harder with each. He truly missed his friends providing the comfort they had for the past two years during these hard months. He kept sane by imagining Lily's smile lightening up the room. It was during these times that he subconsciously decided that he loved her, and he knew that their relationship couldn't last forever, for it wasn't fair for her kindness to be wasted on the likes of a werewolf. 

Still, she could make the day seem brighter with just a glance, and he wasn't quite ready to give that up. He hoped he'd have the strength to see her with someone else.

The beginning of seventh year came for Remus, Lily and their classmates, and with it, more responsibility. Lily and James had been appointed Heads, so Lily spent less and less time alone with Remus. His roommates had lightened up on him slightly, and would actually carry on polite conversations in the late hours that James was out working with Lily.

Additionally, the Daily Prophet brought news of attacks more and more frequently to the school, resulting in a student being withdrawn nearly every week, sometimes two or three. Times were more difficult, and it was infrequent any students were allowed on the grounds without an escort.

A day in late November showed Remus exactly how much things had changed in the few months since the end of their sixth year.

He was sitting in the common room, alone, working on the last bits of homework due the next day for Potions. It was not one of his best subjects, and Lily hadn't had enough time between her own schoolwork and Head duties to explain the topic to him as she had in the past. The only student close to Lily in her abilities in Potions was Severus Snape, and no matter how bad things got, he would not go to _that_ Slytherin for help in anything.

He was startled out of his focus when a flash of red hair in the corner caught his eye. He turned and saw Lily walking towards him, a sad smile on her face. Remus stood slowly and closed the distance between them.

"Lily? What's wrong?" he asked. He felt a pang in his chest when he realized that she wouldn't look at him.

"Come for a walk with me. I need to do rounds, and we need to talk." She looked down at the floor, her voice strong despite the emotions showing clearly in her face. Remus nodded absently and grabbed his cloak off the chair behind him before leading her slowly out of the common room. He caught James' eye as he left, and was slightly confused when James gave him a sincere smile, albeit small.

Once they were a good distance away from the common room, Remus broke the silence. "What's wrong, Lily?"

Lily closed her eyes tightly before turning and looking at him. "Remus, I really like you, you know that right?" Her eyes searched his and he nodded slowly, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "I don't want to hurt you, but I don't think this is working out. We don't seem to have enough time to spend together anymore." A tear rolled slowly down her cheek and he instinctively reached up to wipe it away. She continued. "We might be able to get back together again, but now, I need time. I need to focus on schoolwork, and to not worry that my name will appear in the paper one day, and to just get straightened out. You understand?"

Remus looked at her and gave her a slight smile. "Whatever you need. I'll be here for you, no matter what." She smiled at him through her tears as they reached the portrait hole again. She pecked him on the cheek before whispering the password and disappearing into the common room.

"You coming in, dear?" the Fat Lady asked, looking down at Remus. He jumped slightly and slowly walked in, moving across the room to the staircase. Without a second glance to the people there, he walked up the stairs and into his room, settling on his bed.

He hadn't lied to her. He would be there for her whenever she needed him. He just feared that she wouldn't take him up on it. It nearly killed him to see those tears and gladly would give her up if it meant she didn't cry again. Pulling the hangings on his bed shut, he laid back on his bed, just staring at the canopy hanging above it. He faintly heard the three other occupants of the room come in and go to bed, but he paid them no heed. He was too busy imagining Lily and her smile.

* * *

The champagne glasses chinked and cheers filled the small room as Sirius finished his speech. Lily was glowing in her white dress, and her eyes shown like a beacon of light in these dark times. The messy haired boy beside her was dressed in robes, despite the appearance of several muggles at the festivities. He turned to her and pulled her into a deep kiss, beaming over the fact that she was finally his wife. 

Remus stood in the corner, watching the scene with a detached air. The dancing began and he watched as Lily and her new husband, the boy who had yelled at Remus so long ago, had their first dance, twirling around the dance floor as if they were the only ones in the world. He faintly noticed Sirius standing next to him, gushing about the two newlyweds, and he responded with clipped responses. The first song ended and Lily's husband, none other than James Potter, started happily dancing with Lily's mother, charming her the whole time.

Lily spotted Remus standing in the dark corner and made her way to him. Sirius had long since found a single witch to dance the night away with, leaving Remus to face his former love alone.

"Come dance with me," she demanded, taking his hand and leading him onto the dance floor. A slow dance came on then, and they stood a respectable distance apart, neither wanting to upset James. "I'm glad you came," she said to him.

"Anything for you." She smiled at him, a happier smile than he had ever seen her wear, and he felt his heart leap at the sight. "I'm happy for you," he managed to choke out, kissing her forehead lightly as the dance ended.

"Thank you, Remus. For everything." She smiled once again and released Remus just as James came up behind them.

"Thanks for coming, mate. Don't know what I'd do without you." James pulled Remus into a brotherly hug, before kissing his new wife softly.

Remus smiled a bit awkwardly as the two turned to greet their other guests. He closed his eyes and apparated back to his flat. He collapsed on the broken down couch and sighed deeply.

_I shouldn't have gone. I didn't realize how much I missed her until I saw her in that beautiful dress. He deserves her, though. Lord knows he spent long enough chasing after her. At least she's still my friend. She'll still smile at me, even if I'm not the reason she smiles anymore.

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The years passed and Remus watched as Lily and James had a son, one with her eyes and his features. He watched as the Daily Prophet covered their murder and the miraculous survival of Harry James Potter. He watched as their best friend was convicted of mass murder and sent to Azkaban. He watched as the wizarding world cheered at the end of the evil Lord Voldemort. From afar, he watched as their son grew old enough to go to school. He came closer to help the son grow, almost considering the boy his own, and remembering her every time he saw those green eyes. He watched as his best friend was proven innocent to the boy, watched as the boy nearly died when Lord Voldemort came back. He watched as his last best friend was taken away, blasted to the other world by his cousin. He watched as his mentor died, and watched as another girl fell in love with him, the werewolf who had long ago given away his heart. All the while, he thought of her smile, willing him to move on, so he could enjoy the same happiness she had once had.

_Just to see you smile_

_I'd do anything_

_That you wanted me to_

_And all is said and done_

_I'd never count the cost_

_It's worth all that's lost_

_Just to see you smile

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A/N: There you have it. Hope you liked it. Criticism is welcome. And please review... I don't really want over 300 reads and only 3 reviews like the rest of my fics. Thanks. And if you add my story to your favorites or C3 list and DON'T review, I will bug you about it. You have been warned._


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